I have spent a lot of time thinking about how social media is used, misused, and abused. I’ve read the articles and watched the documentaries, and I’ve known that social media exists primarily to turn people into products. Yet, like many others, I’ve allowed it to do exactly that: I’ve spent countless hours doom-scrolling my way through countless pages of useless information, memes and advertisements, knowing I was wasting my time, yet apparently satisfied to do just that. I’ve known I need to change, I’ve wanted to change, however that change was not forthcoming.
As we came in the Lenten period, I heard stories of how people were trying to be more thoughtful with what they were choosing to abstain from; not just trivial things, but things that had significant meaning to them or would actually have some form of impact on their life. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for me to try a little experiment: could I give up social media for 40 days, and if so, what impact would it have on me?
My strategy was a combination of determination and circumstance, meaning I knew I needed to remove the temptation of social media from my view as much as possible, but I would also have to initiate some self-discipline; I didn’t want to come to the end of my time finding myself itching to scratch my social media itch. To that effect, I decided to turn off all notifications for all of my social media apps, and then hide those apps from my phone (my primary means of access). I didn’t uninstall them because I also use them for business purposes, however I felt that “out of sight, out of mind” might be my best chance of success.
As of today I’ve been off all social media for six weeks, and the results are very interesting. Here’s what I learned.
I’m Addicted to Social Media, and Chances Are So Are You
Hi. My name is Ray, and I’m a social media addict.
Six weeks ago I would have laughed at the thought of saying that. Like many addicts, I always believed I was in control of my addiction; that it didn’t have any power over me; that I could give it up at any time. Today, right now, writing that line is actually very cathartic. It’s like finally opening your eyes to a truth you’ve been avoiding. They say the first step of dealing with addiction is admitting you have a problem. That’s exactly what this feels like.
From the very first day I decided to give up social media, I never experienced any strong or overwhelming desire to use it. In some ways, it was suprisingly easy to just disconnect. I never had any cravings as such, never developed a sense of FOMO (fear of missing out), never suffered any withdrawal symptoms per se (though see It Wasn’t all Positive below). For the first several days I did think about it, but it was never more than a passing thought. I was actually quite proud of myself for how easy it seemed, and wondered why I hadn’t done this before.
What I did notice, however, was the number of times I found myself wanting to reach for my phone to tap on an app. There were even a few times I caught myself physically reaching for my phone and realising at that moment had I had easy access to my social media, I would have been on it. These times usually occurred when I had a spare moment to myself: waiting for something or on someone else, a gap between tasks, a break a work, and so forth. It was like an automatic reaction, a sort of Pavlovian response to any sort of lack of external input. I imagine it to be the same feeling someone who quits smoking has towards reaching for a cigarette; you don’t necessarily want it, but the habit of doing so persists.
At first the feeling came several times a day, then daily, then every few days. It took about four weeks for the feeling to disappear altogether.
That’s what made me realise that, despite my personal opinion that I was just a social media user, I was actually a social media addict, and I would argue almost every person who uses it is as well. I would (do) still argue that my addiction is not as severe as some others, however that’s like saying as a half-pack-a-day smoker I’m not as addicted as a pack-and-a-half-a-day smoker. The addiction is just as real, and the only way to do something about it is to treat it as an addiction.
Social Media Demands Your Time and Attention
It seems like it would go without saying that being absent from social media would give one more time for other things. It’s certainly true, however it’s more than just a reallocation of time. Social media is designed to capture your attention; what I found is that it can have a serious affect on your ability to focus on other things.
Taking “five minutes” to check social media doesn’t seem like much. Surely we all waste more time than that on other things, right? Perhaps, but consider this. How many of us taking “five minutes” to check social media actually spend only five minutes doing so? Chances are we spend at least double that time or more every time we check our feeds. Now how many times a day would we do that “five minute” check? From my experience, I’d suggest that at least once every waking hour would be a conservative estimate. If we take that in its literal sense, that would mean most of us are spending at least an hour to an hour-and-a-half on social media every day. Another way to think of it is: we spend about one day out of every ten – 36 days, or more than a month, every year, on social media. And I guarantee it’s more than that for many.
But it’s not just about the time it takes up; it’s also about the time it takes away. For example: I’d been struggling to get back into my morning exercise routine for sometime. I put it down to over tiredness and a lack of resolve – in other words, the spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. What I discovered, though, was that my lack of ability to return to my exercise routine was probably being more influenced by my social media addiction. Not just in terms of drawing my attention away from exercise, but the time it took directly and indirectly. I found that with no social media influence in my mornings, I actually had enough time to not only engage in but complete my exercise routine. I realised that the problem wasn’t that I was spending too much time on social media, but rather that spending any time on it – simply engaging with it – was enough to prevent me from exercising. Taking five or ten minutes to browse through my feed reduced the time I had to exercise; it was therefore easy enough to say, “oh well, I don’t have enough time now, I’ll get started tomorrow/next week/whenever” . By sacrificing five or ten minutes, I justified sacficing sixty – most of which was then spent continuing to scroll.
The other side of this is that with social media taking my attention, it was difficult to bring my attention to anything else. I realised this almost immediately after doing away with it. Without the distraction to occupy my mind, I could turn my attention to other things: important things, things I wanted to do, or had been putting off, or just simply things that interested me. I started to get more things done, or at least made starts on them. More than that, within a week I felt like my mind – my thoughts – were clearer, and I even felt like I was sleeping better. Whether that was as a direct result of disengaging with social media, or more as a result of feeling like I was making progress and achieving things again I couldn’t say. Perhaps it is akin to the person who breaks the habit of regularly consuming alcohol?
Social Media is Addicted to Me
Four weeks into my experiment the emails started coming. A notice that someone I was connected to had posted something and I should really check it out. At first it was just the one and I dismissed it. Then it was one a day, then several a day. Currently I get at least five emails a day pleading with me to just take a look at what I’m “missing out” on by not engaging with social media. Even though I’m sure I’m only worth cents per day to each platform, it seems that I’m valuable enough for them to try and seduce me back. I guess, when you have about a billion people consuming – and being consumed – by your service, all those cents add up. So if a few bytes of text, sent automatically on a regular basis, can bring someone like me back into the fold, it’s a well worthwhile investment.
I’ve come to realise that we’ve developed an almost parasitic symbiotic relationship with social media. Social media can only exist if we give it our time and attention, and taking that time and attention is exactly what it is designed to do best. Without us it would starve and die, so it does everything in its power to make us believe that we are in fact the ones who cannot live without it. Shame on us for believing it.
It Wasn’t All Positive
Somewhere between the three and four week mark, I noticed something within myself: I was homesick.
You wouldn’t normally think this would be a strange thing for someone who had been living out of their home country for as long as I have. However, while I have missed people and things from home on occasion, this was the first time in ten years that I truly felt homesick. I struggled to understand why it would happen all of a sudden. I tried to think of anything that might have happened or might have changed to make me feel such a way. The only significant change I could think of in my life was the absence of social media, but I didn’t think that could be the reason.
I was wrong.
I came to realise that by eliminating social media from my life, I had disconnected from family, friends, communities and events that were happening back home. That’s not to say that there aren’t other means by which I could have maintained these connections, however, it was apparent that social media was perhaps the easiest, if not most direct, means by which I had been doing so. It gave the illusion that home wasn’t that far away after all; that with the tap of a finger I could find out what everyone was doing and everything was happening, almost as real as if I’d been there myself.
Therein lies the juxtaposition of social media: it is indeed a valuable means of connecting us all together and a way of eliminating the miles between us. It can facilitate connections and networks that might not otherwise be possible. However, while that might be its potential, it is not its purpose. The promise of connection is delivered just enough to keep us going back; a reward system for willingly sacrificing ourselves so that we can be packaged and monetised for the highest bidders. A lure dangled before us, waiting to reel us in.
So, What Now?
I learned a lot through this experience, not just about social media, but about myself as well. Perhaps the most important thing is that I need to find a way to make these things coexist, without losing myself in the process. I want to be able to stay connected to the people and things in my life that are important to me. I also recognise the value social media has in terms of networking and giving me opportunities to promote and further my businesses. Having said that, I’ve no desire to be (re)turned into a product, nor do I want to waste any more of my valuable time or attention that could be better spent. To that end, I’ve come up with some ideas on how to change my relationship with social media.
- Use social media as a tool, rather than be used by it. I believe that by approaching social media use as just another tool – which really should be its intent – then I can minimise the negative effects it has on me. I expect this to be somewhat trial-and-error, and will require some discipline and perseverance, however I do believe it is possible;
- Keep notifications off, keep the apps out of immediate sight. For me, this helped a lot, and I believe that adhering to this will be a big part to ensuring I don’t backslide into old habits. Keeping the use of social media as an effort will help me question whether the effort is worthwhile;
- Have a dedicated time to use social media. This follows the “all things in moderation” theorem. By allowing myself a dedicated time to actively use social media, my hope is I will satisfy those reward/pleasure centres of my brain, and gain the benefits of actively engaging with my connections, and at the same time be satisfied that those needs are being adequately met so that I can devote the rest of my time towards other things;
- Social media time must be productive time. Any time on social media must be productive; that is, it must produce an outcome or result. This might vary from updating family and friends on significant events in my life, to promoting my businesses, to staying up to date with what’s happening at home. Whatever it is, it must have a purpose, else it’s not me that’s using the platform, the platform is using me;
- Be vigilant and self-aware. Perhaps the most challenging part of this. Having gained a better understanding of how social media influences me, I need to be on the lookout for finding myself falling back into bad habits, and address them immediately. Now I’m aware of my addiction, I refuse to succumb to it again.
If you’ve made it to the end of this article, I hope if nothing else it inspires you to try this for yourself. It might just open your eyes to your own relationship with social media, and get you thinking about how you might want to change it.
